Reading and writing

Every time I finish a good book, I want to write one just like it, be it via the themes, structure, or ideas it uses.

I just finished Reading Lolita in Tehran, and there is nothing like a memoir about life in Iran to remind you how good your life really is. Being in France has been good for allowing me the time to read the news and lots of books, when I’m not being too lazy to do it.

 But now I’m pondering the “ordeal of freedom” idea from this book and all of the choices that freedom gives us. Is not my life right now just a giant ordeal of freedom? I’m in France with a minimally demanding job, sufficient money, loads of time, and a big city around me. Why am I not ecstatic to be here?

Funny thing is, I miss schedule and purpose and assignments—these obligations and deadlines kept me constantly moving forward. Here, I see that I don’t have much discipline on my own :/ I have a stack of books and a yoga mat, but I fall victim to online tv and facebook far too often. A few empty days are relaxing, but a few empty months are terrifying! I can do anything I want apart from my twelve hours of work per week, and yet I feel paralyzed by language and loneliness. I can’t go to a movie alone in the US, so how can I travel to another town here all by myself?

Pierre-Antoine tells me I need to have more fun—true!—but I’m still working on how to accomplish that. I’m used to having people around at college to entertain me in any spare moment; I don’t know how to do it myself anymore!

For now, I’ll get back to people-watching from my window, and maybe I’ll start a new book. And if anyone reading this can explain how to cast on, then I can start knitting for real!!! ;)

Rain and reflections

Nonstop rain today, so I had no motivation to go out. Plus, the party last night lasted until 5 or 6am, so I didn't sleep all that much. I did a little work, a lot of reading Guns, Germs, and Steel (only a chapter left!) and Moins que zéro, a novel that Pierre-Antoine gave me.

The most fun of the day was when my door buzzed this morning. I wasn't expecting anyone on a Saturday morning, so I ignored it. Then, I looked out my window to see a yellow postal delivery van driving away. Ma had sent me some packages, so I realized what was going on immediately. Still in my pjs, I ran out into the rain in my bathrobe and chased the truck down. The guy seemed rather surprised, but he got the package out for me quickly so I could get in out of the rain. Nor many people were out on the Place at the time, but I saw smiles and laughs and heard a woman yell 'pyjamas' at me! Ah well, all for the sake of adventure.

The package had little Christmas decorations/home goods, which I've already hung up and set out, and some GOLDFISH CRACKERS!!! Eating some today made me feel like a little kid in preschool--very theraputic.

My internet died for a few hours, so I took the time to reflect on my life here. I've been very negative lately about the students misbehaving, miscommunication with French people all the time, the bad weather, the strange food... A skype conversation with Ma ended with, "No one is going to want to hang out with you if you're so negative." Very true. I'm resolving to "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life" in the words of Spamalot! Here I have a minimally demanding job that allows me to live comfortably in a foreign country in a nice town. I should remember my blessings; perhaps celebrating Thanksgiving soon will help.

Also helping me cheer up is the prospect of holiday travel. I am going to Copenhagen to see my Africa study abroad buddies EBrown and Lily for the weekend of December 9-12. For the Christmas holidays, I'll hang out with PA and maybe (tentative plan here) go to Eurodisney and/or Strasbourg for the Christmas markets--or if anyone has a Christmas in Germany suggestion, that'd be nice too ;) For the February/March break, my dream is to do Spain, Portugal, and Morocco for a week or two. We'll see how the cards fall, but a change of scenery and something to look forward to may be just what I need.

As always, thanks for reading my confessions from France. Hope to hear back from you sometime!