Reading and writing

Every time I finish a good book, I want to write one just like it, be it via the themes, structure, or ideas it uses.

I just finished Reading Lolita in Tehran, and there is nothing like a memoir about life in Iran to remind you how good your life really is. Being in France has been good for allowing me the time to read the news and lots of books, when I’m not being too lazy to do it.

 But now I’m pondering the “ordeal of freedom” idea from this book and all of the choices that freedom gives us. Is not my life right now just a giant ordeal of freedom? I’m in France with a minimally demanding job, sufficient money, loads of time, and a big city around me. Why am I not ecstatic to be here?

Funny thing is, I miss schedule and purpose and assignments—these obligations and deadlines kept me constantly moving forward. Here, I see that I don’t have much discipline on my own :/ I have a stack of books and a yoga mat, but I fall victim to online tv and facebook far too often. A few empty days are relaxing, but a few empty months are terrifying! I can do anything I want apart from my twelve hours of work per week, and yet I feel paralyzed by language and loneliness. I can’t go to a movie alone in the US, so how can I travel to another town here all by myself?

Pierre-Antoine tells me I need to have more fun—true!—but I’m still working on how to accomplish that. I’m used to having people around at college to entertain me in any spare moment; I don’t know how to do it myself anymore!

For now, I’ll get back to people-watching from my window, and maybe I’ll start a new book. And if anyone reading this can explain how to cast on, then I can start knitting for real!!! ;)